The Many Uses of Toilet Paper
by Juliane Shelton
Summary: OOC, i hope u peeps like it! I was inspired by my best friend ^^ final pairing: Hr/D and.. you'll see!!
1. Introduction to TMUOTP or chapter 1

DISCLAMER: boogers are green, so are Harry Potter's eyes, too bad he's not mine.. healthy boogers are NOT green.but o well. This story is unhealthy, it will give you the flu. Read at your on risk! ( A-he he he  
  
This story is very very OOC  
  
THX to my lovely beta XOX for the great ideas! ^_^ Oh, and the whole green booger disclaimer thing was completely her idea! hahaha  
  
BTW, if ur wondering when the 3rd chappie of Dragon Knight is coming out, u'll probably get one next week. ^_^  
  
The Many Uses of Toilet Paper  
  
~Introduction to TMUOTP~  
  
Hermione snapped out of her reverie and ran to open the door. She opened it and cautiously peered out into the rain outside. Lavender Brown was standing in the doorway her blue Buick parked on the curb behind her. Hermione squeaked and gathered her long time friend into a hug, but quickly withdrew and stepped back. Lavender looked confused for a second but quickly recovered. She sneezed and walked into the flat.  
  
"Hermione DARLING!!" Lavender yelled spitting on Hermione's arm. She tried to get close enough to Hermione to plant a wet one on her cheek, but Hermione stepped back and scrunched her nose in disgust. Lavender of course misinterpreted it and stepped even closer. Hermione was eyeing her suspiciously.  
  
"Are you alright?" She asked peering into her friends' anxious face.  
  
"Of course I am you freak! Listen...I have an idea. You know how I wanted to go out with Draco Malfoy? Well guess what?? He is hosting a party at this club, and I was thinking that you wanted to come with me.I need emotional support!" She blurted out really fast and looked into Hermione's face checking if she understood what was asked of her.  
  
Hermione was obviously ignoring her, plus she smelled bad. The thoughts going through dear Herm's mind were the following:"hmmm.should I go to sleep before, or after I take a nap? Oh well. I'll just ask Harry when he and Ron come back from their fishing trip." She was thinking along similar lines when Lavender punched her in the arm.  
  
"Hermione are you listening??" Came Lavenders agitated voice in to her ear.  
  
"Just because I have a short attention span doesn't mean I" Hermione intoned.  
  
She was beginning to wonder if opening the door for Lavender was such a good idea after all, she could of just pretended to not be home.  
  
At this point Lavender had had enough. She took Hermione by the arm and dragged her outside in to the pouring rain and into her Buick. The rain was pounding on the roof and they sat in silence for about 5 minutes until Lavender sneezed again and covered the inside of the windshield with mucous. Hermione tried to get as far from Lavender as possible. She was really making her sick. Quite literally.  
  
Lavender took out a big roll of toilet paper and blew her nose. Hermione looked surprised and asked why doesn't she just use tissues. As it turned out toilet paper has many uses.  
(Hey guys! Thanks for whoever is going to review this chappie. And if you don't get it, don't worry. It's my second fic, and I hope u like it. Its kinda weird, and if ur asking what its gonna be about, then the title basically says it all. I'm mostly just doing it for fun, so if u don't like it then don't flame! So read, enjoy and review!!! ()  
  
~JS~ 


	2. chaper 2

A/N: Hey guys. I'm back with another chapter. Please, please, please forgive me for not updating. I was really lazy and had fucked up problems. Hehehe but this should cheer everyone up!!! So read and enjoy!! Aaa.and here we have a plot twist!!! And lots of R rated stuff.. So be warned! ^_^  
  
I would also like to thank all of those who reviewed THANK YOU!!!! *hugz*  
  
The Many Uses of Toilet Paper  
  
~CHAPTER TWO~  
  
Lavender sat on the bar stool gulping down shots of martini. She was feeling a bit dizzy from the pumping club music. Just as she was looking around the dance floor to spot Hermione, she saw a white blonde head coming her way. Lavender immediately jumped up from her seat on the bar stool and started making seductive poses with her eyes on the man walking towards the bar. He noticed and came her way. Lavender was ecstatic. She immediately bought him a drink. She looked at him. Her idol and God looked really hot standing there beside her with his hair around his face, his fading jeans and silky black shirt that was open at the top to reveal part of a muscular chest. Draco was truly a site to behold, and he was standing there staring at her.  
  
Wait. why was he staring like that?  
  
Lavender looked at the mirror behind the bar and noticed that she had a piece of toilet paper stuck in her hair. Draco smirked and pulled it out while twirling a piece of her hair around his finger. Lavender smiled seductively and ordered him another drink. She must get him drunk enough so he will sleep with her. That was the sole purpose of her life - to bed Draco Malfoy and live to tell the tale. Well, there was also the small thing for having his children.  
  
"I'm glad you could come." He droned  
  
Lavender giggled and drowned yet another martini. She simply didn't have anything smart to say.  
  
Blaise felt a head ache coming on. This foolish girl had a crush on Draco and obviously had nothing in her head except the fact that she wanted to fuck him. Blaise never knew that impersonating Draco would be this hard. Draco wanted a brake from all the attention (not that he didn't enjoy it, but the stupid girls with crushes were always annoying). He and Draco drank that foul tasting Polyjuice Potion and took each other's identities.  
  
'Oh well,' Blaise thought 'I might as well giver her what she wants. she really isn't that bad looking.'  
  
Lavender only needed a few seconds to register what was happening. Draco Malfoy was kissing her! She hungrily kissed back. The last thought she had before succumbing to the pleasure was how Hermione would never believe her.  
  
Speaking of Hermione..  
  
She was really enjoying herself. The party really wasn't that bad. The tricky part was getting rid of Lavender, but as soon as Hermione bought her the first martini she was free to go and have fun on her own. Lavender would stay there for a while.  
  
Hermione felt the beat of the music surround her. She felt the base, first in her ears, then in her chest. It was thumping, pulling her on to the dance floor. There were many people already dancing - their bodies colliding with the rhythm. She went into the very middle of the floor and started moving. She felt that that the music was her sole purpose of life. She had to dance. The feel of other bodies against her aroused her. She felt like she was flying.  
  
A strong pair of arms took a hold on to her thighs and she instinctively leaned forward and started grinding. The man let out a soft moan. His hands came to her front and started rubbing her belly and thighs. She stepped back and leaned into his hard body. Her eyes were closed but she could still see the flashing lights through her closed eyelids. The sensuality amazed her. They stayed like that for a few minutes just grinding and enjoying the feel of each other's bodies rubbing and coaxing each other into submission. Her senses were heightened. She was hot, not only from the dancing and body heat coming from the other bodies on the floor. She felt his hot lips trail up her neck. Then nip her ear.  
  
She was losing it. She had to see who it was. Hermione attempted to spin around and see the man behind her, but he wouldn't let her.  
  
"Lets go somewhere private." He whispered. His hot breathe tickling the sensitive skin behind her ear. She nodded and felt him pushed her a bit towards the farthest corner of the club. She complied and started moving through the pulsing bodies, their heat leaving her in awe.  
  
He still wouldn't let her turn around. They kept walking until they reached the corner. Hermione saw that there was a door there, but she could hardly see because it was the same color as the wall. The man murmured a password. The door slid open and they slipped inside.  
  
Hermione looked around. They were in a room with soft plush red couches, black walls and floor, and a pool table right in the middle of the room. She also noticed a couple of other doors leading into other rooms, but they were all closed. It looked amazing.  
  
The mystery man finally spun her around. She stared. He was beautiful. His dark brown hair framed his face and accentuated his dark lashes. His lips were like rose petals. She wanted to touch them. His eyes were of the deepest black. She could see Hell through those eyes.  
  
He was also very familiar. She had seen him many times at Hogwarts, usually flanking a certain blonde Slytherin. This was Blaise Zabini of Slytherin house. He gave her a cocky smile and a peck on the cheek.  
  
"Blaise." She whispered. He looked a little confused, but recovered quickly. He smiled again and leaned in to kiss her. She kissed back with as much passion as she had. Blaise broke the kiss and stared at her. He licked his finger and trailed it from her lips and to her jaw, and then behind her ear. He then leaned over and gently blew on the wet trail making her shiver.  
  
Hermione couldn't take it anymore. She wanted him.  
  
She stepped closer and wrapped her arms around his neck, then pulled herself up slightly. He got the point and lifted her up so she was sitting on his hands, her legs wrapped around his waste. They continued to kiss passionately occasionally biting or licking any exposed piece of flesh they could find. Blaise walked up to one of the couches and gently lowered her down, never taking his lips from her eager mouth. His hands were traveling up and down her body gently kneading her ass and breasts. Hermione moaned and slid her hands up through his hair and down his back. She was trembling. He knew that she needed him.  
  
Blaise left her lips and trailed wet kisses down her neck until he reached her shirt. He gave her a mischievous grin and started unbuttoning her black blouse to with his teeth. As soon as one button would be open he would lower his mouth to the newly exposed skin and lightly nip and lick the exposed flesh. Hermione was shivering and arching her back. Soon the shirt was off. Blaise slid his hand in her skirt and massaged her thighs. Hermione wanted him to touch her. But he wouldn't. He was teasing her.  
  
He didn't like the fact that she was still wearing her bra. As soon as Hermione arched her back again he slipped his hand under her shoulder blades and skillfully unhooked it with only two fingers.  
  
Hermione felt like she was in heaven. Blaise licked his lips and lowered his mouth onto her breasts. He bit, blew and kissed every part of her upper body. Hermione was breathing heavily. A soft moan escaped her lips when Blaise finally touched her. She was really wet. He gave her another smile and pulled off her soaked panties. Hermione gasped as she felt his finger enter her. His thumb was rubbing her clit. Blaise set a painfully slow rhythm all the while licking her breasts and fucking her with his finger.  
  
"Wait." Hermione managed to choke out. He looked confused, but relaxed when she gave him a reassuring smile. "You are still dressed." She pouted.  
  
Blaise gave her a shaky laugh and pulled off his dark blue shirt, soon it was joined by his black jeans on the floor. He was still wearing his blood red boxers. Hermione stood up and pulled him closer by the band on his boxers. She pushed him onto the couch and straddled him.  
  
Hermione kissed him hungrily running her hands up and down his well-built chest and rubbing his nipples. He gave her a throaty moan. Hermione pulled away to look at him. His face was flushed and his eyes were full of lust and desire. Suddenly she noticed that his eyes were getting lighter. She gave him a confused look. Hermione's eyes narrowed. Blaise looked confused, but then something clicked in his mind. He pushed Hermione off him onto the couch and started dressing hurriedly. Hermione sat there confused, tears welling in her eyes. Why was he leaving? Blaise gave her a last look and ran out the door.  
  
Hermione snorted. His eyes were a light silver and there was a white streak in his hair.  
  
"Draco." She mumbled before getting up and looking for her clothes.  
  
***  
  
A/N: a cliffy!! Muahahahahaha, so for those who didn't get it Blaise and Draco drank Polyjuice potion to take on each other's identities. muahahahahaha!!!  
  
Read the next chapter and see what happens.. Dun dun dun!!! 


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